“The woman writing this article is clearly struggling to see her daughter grow up. People who write like they are concerned are self-righteous and can go fuck themselves.”
Just one of the comments that I have read about my writing from a hater online.
Putting yourself forward publicly means that there are always going to be people that don’t understand what you do. Sometimes its because they just don’t get it. And other times because they have an infinite amount of time to be in front of their computer and watch other people’s successes, making them subsequently feel bad about themselves. While hurtful words are just words, they can stay with you, fester, and become more real if you let them. It can make it hard to just get out of your own way and do your thing.
If you run a business online, you may also have been the victim of negative trolls. Actually, anyone who posts anything on the internet or on social media may have been the recipient of clapbacks somewhere along the way. Whether it’s just a snippy comment on your family photos, or some negative-nelly bugging you online.
Either way, it’s not easy.
Usually the writer’s words are a reflection of their own horrible unhappiness. For whatever reason, they’ve chosen to lash out. Often times it’s not about you at all. Those who are suffering with their own problems can be very affected by what they see online.
Sometimes I think that maybe I’ve been wrong by showing only the good stuff on social media. The truth is that I’m insecure, disorganized and unsure half the time. I try my best, but there are lots of failures wrapped up in my pretty photos and posts.
It’s super hard to focus on the people that love your work. Why is that? For every one negative comment, there are lots of positive ones. Author Elizabeth Gilbert calls it eating a sandwich that you know has broken glass in it. You just replay the crappy comments from haters over and over again, but you forget the 10 good ones.
Gary Vaynerchuk is the guru of social media marketing and business and his motivational rants make me think and sometimes laugh out loud too. This one is bang on.
*note: language if you are at work or a public place.
I’m lucky to have many friends that I call upon when things aren’t going well. Supporters that fill me with love and abundance. Sometimes a hater pops up to try and torment me with terrible words. But they aren’t likely doing anything good.
Have you ever met a hater doing better than you?
So when I feel myself dwelling on it and my confidence takes a dip, I try to remind myself of these five things:
- Mean and spiteful things directed at you will not change the goodness in your heart.
- If you weren’t doing anything at all, then there would be nothing to comment on. You have to be true to you, and post/write/do the things that support that.
- Anonymous hate is simply cowardly. Like Dr. Phil says, anyone who decides to write something anonymously and can’t sign their name to it…well, there is a reason why they won’t sign their name. Discredit them.
- The truest way to get over haters, is to continue on being successful. Choose joy, and fill your life with the things and people that make you happy.
- Karma. Pray for them because karma will eventually prevail. You get what you give.
Today I choose to remember this email I got from one of the editors I work with:
“Scarlett, you’re a great writer and you’ve had one of our best performing articles of the last year.”
And I’m doing my thing.