It’s funny when I look back at old posts, I have written about Mondays more than once. There must be some self-reflecting that goes on at the beginning of the week that inspires me to write about it. I have written about how to make your Monday’s better, and then I have written about how much I love Monday mornings.
But truthfully, I struggle with Mondays.
I struggle with overwhelm, looking at the week ahead and feeling like I have so much to do yet sometimes nothing that could be considered important.
I struggle with negative feelings about my ability as a mother.
I struggle with not feeling like I’ve accomplished enough.
Something about the first day of the week can be tough. Like you are looking at the mountain ahead that you want to climb and it seems like you won’t be able to make it.
I’ve thought a lot about the concept of joy and even more about the concept grace. When I am feeling those fraud-y feelings most intensely, I try to bring myself back to a place of joy – to a time when I felt unabashedly happy. The trick is figuring out how I can bring myself more of that. There are so many internal cobwebs and fog that can get in the way of feeling joy on a day to day basis. If you can find that feeling when you aren’t worrying and can feel absolutely free, those fraudy feelings aren’t so present.
But I still have a long way to go.
Beating yourself up for all of your shortcomings can become a habit. It has for me. I almost use it in as a way to stay humble – to remind myself not to get too cocky about life because I may lose it all in one quick minute. It’s liking making a smaller, less difficult goal for yourself so that you can achieve it, rather than a more difficult stretch goal that you may fail at making.
These old patterns of behaviour do not serve me well.
I am a master expert in the field of doubting my work. The NaNoWriMo Challenge (a writing challenge to get to 50K words written for a project you are working on) I’ve been participating in this month has helped me to write more than ever before. But like many people in the challenge group I belong to, I’ve gotten to a point where I hate my project, think it’s awful and I am not worthy of continuing because it’s not good – it actually sucks.
Part of this project is writing for real girls that have started a new Direct Sales venture. I’ve been writing about all of the hurdles that can crop up when you own your own Direct Sales business. But truthfully, these hurdles apply to any small business or any challenges or goals you set for yourself.
Don’t compare yourself to others, Quit focusing on your failures, Expect things to take twice or three times as long, Ignore the haters…
And then I realized; these are all things that I need to listen to myself! These are things that are hindering me from completing this entire project.
I’ve conquered these things before, and negative feelings before, so why can’t I conquer them now?
In some ways 2017 has been one of the worst of my life. But I am guilty of buying into that for myself. By going small, and staying small to be protective of myself and my feelings. I try to practice gratitude almost every day, but I also allow myself to feel like I don’t deserve all of the good things in my life.
I’m simply done with the fraudy feelings.
I’m working on granting myself more grace. Paddling that canoe forward and not letting the current take me backwards. Forgetting about the mountain ahead and start by looking at my feet taking the steps I need to take.
We are all capable of doing infinitely more than we think we are. Remove the things, feelings and people that don’t bring you joy.
Grant yourself grace in the process. And start again every single day.
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